Apps that could have made pirate life easier (but thankfully didn’t)

Hey you guys!!!

Pirates are some of the most notorious figures in history. They talked in broken sentences, carried parrots on their shoulders, and were known for unabashedly plundering across the globe looking for treasure.

Life as a pirate was difficult. They had to navigate the open seas, avoid scurvy, and figure out what to do when all the rum was gone.

While we don’t support how pirates acted – especially modern day pirates that illegally copy or counterfeit apps – we do enjoy talking like seadogs on September 19, aka “International Talk Like a Pirate Day.”

To recognize this pro-talk-like-a-pirate, anti-act-like-a-pirate occasion, we’ve compiled apps that could have helped scoundrels of the seven seas – although, we’re sure glad these didn’t exist in the 18th Century.

  1. Navigation

Pirates had to be competent navigators to fare the open seas, but having an app for that could have been helpful. There are a number of great nautical navigation apps such as Garmin Blue Chart, Skipper, and Boating USA HD. All would have helped the Cap’n find his way in a crunch.

  1. Nutrition

Life on a boat was quite restrictive on the diets of ocean-dwellers. Pirates had a tendency to skip the fruits and veggies and focus only on meat. This Vitamin-C deficiency led to scurvy. Nutrition tracking apps such as Perfect Produce and I Heart Fruits and Veggies could have helped pirates keep track of their fruit intake.

  1. Dictionary

Of the many things that pirates were known for, having mastery over language was not one of them. Pirates would have benefitted from the app or the Merriam Webster dictionary and thesaurus. Both of these would not only help pirates expand their vocabularies, but also pronounce words correctly.

  1. Ride Sharing

Since pirates spend so much of their time on a boat, they often had trouble once they got to dry land. Ride sharing apps such as Uber, and Lyft would have allowed them to get where they wanted to go with the help of landlubber drivers.

  1. Money Transfer

After pirates collected their booty, there often wasn’t an easy way to split the haul. Apps such as Venmo, Splitwise, and Snapchat would have let pirates split their treasure without issue!

  1. Task Based

The ship was a hectic place for pirates and the crew had many responsibilities. Collaboration and communication apps like Todoist and Slack would have helped Captains keep their ships in tip-top shape.

  1. Social Media

Pirates had the opportunity to go on a number of adventures and see far and distant places, but since they didn’t take selfies, did it really happen? Pirates would have been fans of apps like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter to brag about their exploits.

  1. Weather

Some of the most terrifying and unpredictable events for a pirate were weather-related. Apps like Dark Sky, and The Weather Channel App could have helped prepare the crew in advance of a wretched storm.

  1. Sports

Sailing the high seas for months at a time had the potential to  get boring. And since pirates were a prideful bunch, they surely would care about the sports teams that bear their name. Apps like NFL Mobile, ESPN, and At Bat could have allowed these swashbucklers to follow the Oakland Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Pittsburgh Pirates.

  1. Relationship

The ship and the open sea were a pirate’s only true love, but it’s easy to think that a pirate’s life could get lonely. Apps like Hinge, Tinder, and Match could have lifted the anchor on a new romance.

While talking like pirates is a fun activity, the act of piracy is not. The App Association represents innovative app companies that create and license digital content. Pirates in the digital age copy an app’s code and submit it to an app store as an original product. Or they may reverse engineer the code and submit it as the same app.

The rise of the app economy has greatly increased the ability to fight piracy, which is best achieved when a platform rigorously curates app stores.

So let’s keep pirates in our books, on the big screen, and out of the app economy.


Image: Nicolas Raymond / license / no changes made
By | 2016-12-21T00:14:15+00:00 September 18th, 2015|